For many teams, today marks the start of the professional baseball season. As I watch the commentary and prepare my fantasy baseball lineups, I have had to take a step back and marvel at how one theme has come up more than any other as the recipe to success. Almost to a man commentators reference the teams ability to play as a single unit and find it's identity as more important than the talent level of it's players. This is not always an easy concept for me to understand, I don't always feel comfortable with the idea that the best and brightest don't always get the win.
I have experienced this phenomenon in sports for years but only over this past week have I started to realize the connection that this has with my relationship with God. I can say with 100% certainty that I am talented, capable person with a definitive calling on my life and yet God and I aren't playing as one single unit yet. I spend more time trying to figure stuff out on my own than I spend trusting God to show the way.
So what is identity? This is a constantly morphing idea in my life right now, but as I see it today identity is our internal assurance of our outward relationship, abilities and talents. This definition can be both worldly and biblical I think. The world says that I am defined by who I am married to, how much money I make, who my friends are, what religion I follow, and how intelligent I am. On their own none of these things are particularly bad, but compare that idea with God's view of identity. Our identity in Him consists of: I am child of God, a royal priesthood, with all authority of the Kingdom, destined for greatness if I will submit to his will.
It's such a great identity, we don't have to do anything but listen to God and act when he asks. And yet I have never met a person who is fully engrossed in their identity with God. My education background would suggest that this probably has something to do with the frequency and tangibility of the affirmation we receive. With a worldly view of identity we can always be affirmed, we can always find someone to impress with our abilities. But in a Godly identity, our insecurities are exposed because there are often droughts of affirmation when God wants us to grow. And that leaves us with a choice in those droughts of whether to persevere or to retreat to a place where we can receive empty affirmation again.
The other possible explanation for our lack of identity with the Father goes deeper than human psychology. We are sinful creatures in a sinful world, and our sin seperates us from the fullness of God. I am convinced that the greatest weapon the enemy has against us is insecurity and self confidence. Right now God is exposing all kinds of these insecurities and confidence issues in my life and I hate it. I hate that below the layer I show everyone else there's a terrified little kid who didn't have any friends, who just wants attention. I hate the fact that I put other people down simply because I'm witty and funny and would rather get affirmation through people laughing at one of my jokes than consider the heart of the person I'm laughing at. And most of all, I hate that my insecurity tells me that I should just stop this journey to becoming a pastor now because I will never be good enough for God, or even good enough to help someone find Christ.
My head knows who I am in God, I have read the verses and honestly I've prayed the prayers. My heart desires this identity in God but this is a work in progress. My challenge through this time is to stay in the dark places where God is teaching and molding and not to run back toward the fake light of the world and reject God's identity for me.
God Bless,
Pat
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