Will you be my friend?

I miss kindergarten.  Do you remember how easy it used to be to make friends.  You sat next to someone in the sandbox, shared a nice mud sandwich, and asked each other if you'd like to be friends.  Superficial?  Probably.  But never the less, I miss making friends that way. 

It seems like the older I get the more jaded I get to making friends.  It's hard, really hard.  You have to start with meeting the right kind of people in the right kind of place, and then most of the time the only people I ever hang out with are people that my wife has met and arranges the outings for me.  The outings get more complicated too, when we were kids a sleepover didn't have to be planned weeks in advance, you called me and I asked my parents and then came over.  As adults it seems like we have to compare calendars, make sure a particular date and time works and then probably reschedule two or three times before we actually end up in the same room together.

As an aspiring pastor, I see this as a huge wall to developing quality relationships with members of the church.  Let's be honest, some people have a natural gift for constant hospitality but most of us want to associate with other people on our terms and in a controlled environment.  I truly don't believe that the lack of community is due to people not liking each other, it's due to the fear of being judged as inadequate compared to others that we know.  We want to bring people over to our houses only after we've had a few days to clean, a chance to move that picture to the wall with the hole in, and weed the yard so whoever is coming over doesn't think we don't care about our house.

I don't think that's the model that Jesus had in mind though when he spoke of us being in community with each other at all times.  His ministry was anything but planned with an itinerary.  Jesus went where he was needed most, and stayed where he could, with whom he could.  He lived in community precisely so that he could meet the people he was helping where they were, not in the show they might put on for him.

The catalyst to developing positive relationships in the church I think is a firm confidence in who we are in God, and a desire to share in God's ministry in our lives.  As a pastor, I want to come into peoples lives exactly as they exist every other day.  I want to see kids toys on the floor, I want to see dishes in the sink, because that means that I have developed a trust with my congregation that says I'm not here to judge, just to fellowship.  I want to love being with people and to get away from the need to have my home, my life and my heart reflect anything other than what they truly are.

Making friends may not be as easy as it once was for me, but this is my #1 development opportunity for my "out" component of ministry. 

Pat